35 Hilarious Office Jokes That Every Employee Will Understand

Phil walks into his boss's office one day and says, "Sir, I'll be honest with you. I know the economy isn't great, but I've got three companies after me, and I'd like to ask for a raise, respectfully." After a few minutes of haggling, the boss finally agrees to give him a 5 percent raise, and he happily gets up to leave. "By the way," the boss asks as Phil leaves his office, "which three companies are after you?" Phil replies, "The electric company, water company, and phone company."

The boss says, "This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?" Me: That it's only Wednesday?

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.
It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

How many people work in my company?
About half.

I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.

I always arrive late to work. But I make up for it by leaving early.

My boss told me that there’s no such thing as problems, only opportunities.
I said: “That’s great. Well, I have a serious drinking opportunity.”

The boss asked Mark to start the presentation with a joke. He shared his paycheck as the first slide.

A salesperson came into an office one day and said "This computer will cut your workload by 50%!" The office manager replied "Great, I'll take two of them!" 

My boss told me to have a good day…so I went home!

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Someone has stolen my Microsoft Office, and they are going to pay for it… you have my Word.

Do you know what they say about a clean desk? It's a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

An employee is getting to know her new coworkers when the topic of her last job comes up. One coworker asks why she left that job.
“It was something my boss said,” the woman replied.
“Why? What did he say?” the coworker asked.
“He said: ‘You’re fired.’”

After a lengthy call with a customer who had been having difficulties with a computer program, a support technician turned in his report: “The problem resides between the keyboard and the chair.”

Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off.

I went for a job interview. The interviewer told me I'd start on $2,000 a month, and then after six months, I'd be on $2,500 a month. I told them I would start in 6 months.

I told a joke during our video call today. It wasn’t even remotely funny.

To make an error is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

I went for a job interview today and the interviewer asked me, “What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?”.
I said, “Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what’s real from what’s not.”
They then asked, “And your strengths?”
I said, “I’m Batman.”